Shedding Skins

Sometimes you look in a bush, and find something white hanging in it. You look a little closer, and realize it's a snake skin. I hold it up to see how big the snake is that shed it. But then I realize that the snake that shed it, is just a little bit bigger than the skin it left behind. A snake can't grow with the dead skin on it; it needs to be removed.

I'm so excited to go back up to Perrysburg. Every time I go back up, I get really sick of where I am, and really wish that I could just move up there. Who could blame me, it's beautiful up there. Minus the subzero winters full of gray skies,and slush, it is a really pretty town, and seems so picture perfect.

There is just such a difference between Florida and Ohio. Sure, our weather is ideal from the outside looking in, but what most people don't realize is that we only get like 4 weeks out of the whole year that you would want to open your windows, and enjoy nature. The summer is too hot, the winters are too cold, the spring brings on mosquito's, so that leaves fall... but anyways - soap box.

No matter hw perfect things look like up there,the reality is that I have my life here now. My family is here (with a couple exceptions), mine and Chris' jobs, and his family. Not to mention that we have a baby now, and us leaving would be devastating for the grandparents. I have friends here. And as much as I would love to be back up there, I'm constantly reminded of the life that I left behind.

Much like the snake that sheds it's skin to grow, I had to shed somethings to grow as a person. I was treated horribly by my peers. There wasn't a day that went by that someone wasn't trying to make my life miserable. I tried my best to fit in, but no matter what I did, or how nice I was to people, I was constantly scrutinized. I ended up doing a lot of things that I'm not proud of like stealing, and drinking and partying. I thought that those things would make me a better person, and people would like me more, but all it did (now looking back) was make me look like an idiot. Sometimes I wish I could go have a talk with teenage me, and go over all of the things I have learned since leaving Ohio, and tell myself to get a grip, and that you wouldn't even remember half of those people.

Basically what I am saying is that I had to shed my old life. Shed the things I did that held me back. Shed the hurt feelings and the bitterness that I have towards those people. Shed the fact that I wasn't perfect, or te fact that my parents bank account didn't look like everyone elses. Shed the fact that I never had perfect hair, perfect skin or perfect teeth. Shed the fact that I didn't look as good in a pair of jeans, or play sports, or live in a huge house on the hill. Shed the fact that I was too ashamed of myself to stand up for myself, or the fact that I let others make me feel that way. Shedding off the fact that I still have layes and layers and layers of scars, that I feel like will take me the rest of my life to shed. But each layer that I shed makes me that much bigger, and that much stronger. I no longer have that dead skin weighing me down, and I can finally conquer the world that I have around me!

When I moved to Florida, I moved with the intention of not letting people control how I felt. I figured no one knew me, and even though my esteem was shot, I would put up this strong front. I wouldn't let anybody make me feel the way that I felt up there. But now I am strong. I am a mighty woman of God, and I have authority. No one cn change me but Him and me. He helps me everyday to shed off those layers. He made me strong. He made me love me for who I am. I'm still far from perfect, but you know what, thats ok. I can still try to achieve perfection, but it will never happen. And that is ok too. It doesn't matter, because life is short. Too short to let dead skin get in the way of your happiness. Thank you God for showing this to me. I love you guys, and I love me.